thank u, next: for the single queens
Are you single? No judgments here and I feel ya… I am too. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I get it, queen. It ain’t easy out here that’s for sure.
I am genuinely thankful for my ex. Kinda like that Ariana Grande song we all know (who is now a married woman, congrats queen!) After healing and self-reflection, it’ll be time to get back out there into the dating game again. For me, dating means going out on dates and getting to know others. However you decide to date is your choice and what is the best fit for you. (ensure that your needs are met and heard)
You may be experiencing feelings of frustration. That is okay. Take it from me and my 10 years of experience dating as a single woman in New York. After these many years out in the field, I learned many things. Today, I want to share a few of these gem lessons with you, because that is what us queens do. We support each other, amirite? I must say I have a lot of experience in dating. Don’t believe me? Ask my girlfriends, Emily and Marissa. They would tell you and back me up on this one! We joke around and say how I should write a book. Hey, maybe I will someday 😉 Ya never know.
I have tried everything, including online dating. At first I was hesitant, and then I decided to do it. (what the heck, right?) Been through heartbreaks, disappointments, hurt, loss, confusion, you name it. It’s like the color “magenta” that Blanche refers to in The Golden Girls in one episode as she describes a mixed feeling of emotions. “…I hate that feeling and I hate the color magenta” - Blanche Devereaux (FAVORITE SHOW BTW!)
After a huge disappointment and scary experience, around last thanksgiving, I decided to “give up” on love. I was done. But, at the same time, it was also as if I wanted to push and try for love even more. I felt like I deserved it even more. I told Em and Riss… “Girls, I am done.” They encouraged and gave me support, saying that it would all work out and to not give up. Support is so important to have.
Well, all of the dread and doubt changed after Demetri (we will call him that), came along. Demetri wasn’t like the other guys. He was patient, sincere, understanding, and gave me the emotional connection I needed. He saved me from myself and my heart break. It’s okay to say that someone helped you through a tough time. It’s okay to say that someone saved you. For me, that person was Demetri.
Even though Demetri and I didn’t work out, we still keep in touch and we have a good friendship. He will always have a special place in my heart. We also learned a lot from each other. Which helped me learn more about myself. Truly knowing yourself goes pretty deep. It’s about knowing what you love, how you love, what you don’t like, and why, etc. But it also learning what you don’t know. Say what, Des?! What does that mean. Well, I’ll tell ya…
Knowing what you don’t know involves coming from an understanding and objective place. It can include how you may come across to people, even if you don’t mean or realize it.
Also taking this a step further and sharing this with others in an appropriate and respectful way, of course. You gotta be able to courageously and unapologetically vocalize your needs and wants in your dating life, and in all areas of your life. Sharing your perspectives and feelings, as Demetri and I have, is important to knowing each other and yourself more.
These are some major lessons I learned along the way… sit back, take a sip (or two) of your chardonnay, and enjoy.
SOME DATING TIPS THAT SHOULD BENEFIT YOU
- Know Yourself and Your (Potential) Person: Learn from your experiences, past relationships, and heart breaks. Use this wisdom when you date and eventually meet your soulmate. Make time for reflection. Ask yourself what you liked or did not like about that person. Make sure you are comfortable, safe, and respected. Share your needs and wants but also allow space for a caring conversation and make an effort. Don’t just receive. Relationships take work and patience. Inputs give you outputs!
- Patience and Understanding: You and your potential aren’t going to agree on everything. You will have your disagreements. It’s part of life. No relationship is perfect. As long as you both are understanding, patient, and respectful, that is what matters.
- Ask Questions and Be Vulnerable: Have conversations with your potential and really get to know each other. You don’t have to go all “Socrates” on the person but you should know some things like where they grew up, full name, and about their family to name a few things. Ask questions even if it can be awkward for a little. Also share your story. This can be vulnerable. But it showcases you in a special and humane way. I noticed that after sharing my story, the guy shows genuine interest that grows. This also enables you to further connect with yourself. Ask other fun questions too! Do they like to travel? What’s the most spontaneous thing they did? What kind of music do they like? Maybe you both are Swiftie fans and don’t even know it yet!
- Laugh and Be Goofy: Why so serious? Joke around and don’t be so tense all the time. Be patient with yourself, trust your gut, and enjoy the moments and the good memories that you create together. Learn to laugh at yourself. This also makes you more attractive. You catch more bees with honey… so go on and be your bold and attractive self, Queen Bee!
We have so much to offer. We are intelligent and sexy creatures. And the right guy for you will appreciate and value you. As you will him. The two of you will build an empire together. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Trust the process and be patient. Great things take time. Your time will come.
Be genuinely thankful for your experiences, wisdom, and even your ex. Now, it’s on to the next. So excited for you!
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